Even though I’m too young to be bitter about turning ‘old’, this was the first year that I was really depressed about my birthday. Celebrating becoming a year older is just ARGHUNHHGHHHGGG when there aren’t balloons and tons of presents to distract you from feeling burdened by all the implications, expectations, and obligations tied to an irrelevant number. I mean, look, my bank account is a broken shadow of its former self, I’m not gainfully employed, and I’ve almost poisoned myself and my boyfriend when I attempted to cook dinner. It all just makes you want to desperately ‘escape’ the real world by finding a nice island (without polar bears and time-traveling bunnies) to live on with Adam Levine for the rest of your life.
Needless to say, I just wanted to sit in a corner of my room, sulking. Buut, then the boyfriend turned up from Hyderabad to surprise me, and a friend came over, so I had to grudgingly ditch my sulking plans. On the other hand, one brought me vinyl discs and the other brought me chocolate cupcakes, so I couldn’t stay angry at them for too long. Plus, there were birthday calls from lovely people, snail mail packages and some, actually gorgeous presents. Then, we went to the bar in the evening, and I got into my first bar fight (#lifeachievementunlocked). It was pretty funny… from what I remember of it.
After a kilo of biriyani and some bottles of 80 proof, I came to accept that since I’m never going to do all the things I want to, I may as well sit around smoking weed all day if I feel like it, and that made me happier (yes, I realize that that might have been the alcohol).
Anyways, apparently the thing bloggers tend to do on birthdays is ply their long-suffering readers with a list of facts about themselves. So, in keeping with this trend, and in honour of my 26th birthday (or the 1st anniversary of my 25th birthday as I prefer to call it), here’s my list (be warned: it’s more stuff than you probably ever wanted to know about me).
1. One of my best friends and I have actually planned out a long-term survival zombie apocalypse strategy for ourselves in case the town is attacked. We’ve detailed emergency routes, guns and supplies sources, common mistakes to avoid etc.
2. I’ve never broken or fractured a bone. My body has made up for this by landing me three times in the hospital with dengue, severe dehydration and food poisoning.
3. Sometimes, after I’ve watched a particularly scary movie, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night and decide to stay up to protect my self/boyfriend/family/flatmates from little boy/girl ghosts, vampires, or an assortment of serial killers.
4. I have not eaten the yolk of an egg since I was five – it’s okay if I eat it in an omelet or scrambled, but never if the egg is cooked in any other way. Yuck.
5. I’ve been invited to participate in an unusually large number of threesomes.
6. I scrunch up my nose when people use LOL, LMFAO, R U, and the like.
7. Anytime I get bitten by a mosquito or a bed bug, I circle the red bumpy bitten area with a black pen.
8. I’m that weirdo who will point out every dog I see when I’m out with people and say ‘hello’ to every dog I encounter.
9. I went to Kindergarten twice. Not sure if I was not smart enough to move on to first grade or whether I was too smart for pre-school, and so started Kindergarten a year early. Let’s just go with the second reason.
10. When I was small, I used to believe that if you touch someone when they’re asleep, you’d be able to see what they were dreaming. I̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶b̶e̶l̶i̶e̶v̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶ I have outgrown such silly notions.
11. I love Twitter. If you don’t get it, you probably don’t need to be on it.
12. I hate large bodies of water. Therefore, I cannot swim. For me, the scariest part of any natural disaster end-of-the-world movie is when the huge tsunami waves come crashing down on cities.
13. When I first started to use Google, I’d always use ‘please’ before or after my search entry. ie. ‘best restaurants in Bangalore please’.
14. Sometimes I threaten my cat with replacing her with a dog when she doesn’t pay me attention. Usually, she just continues to not pay me any attention.
15. Coffee completes me.
Reader, if you’ve made it to the end of this list, congratulations! I don’t blame you if you’ve already yawned five times or have a sour look upon your countenance. To reward you for your patience, please enjoy this amusing picture of an owl being weighed: