Have any of you watched the 1998 Avengers movie? You know, the one where Sean Connery’s trying to steal the weather? Yeah. That’s an actual movie. Sometimes, a movie is just *so* bad, you can’t help watching it. There’s a certain bohomie present when the production, dialogue and acting are just blatantly terrible. If you haven’t ever taken a risk and watched a B-movie, you should; I insist.
Here’s an excerpt from my FOG article on five movies that are so bad, they’re brilliant to watch. Read the rest of the article here:
Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter
Abraham Lincoln’s got nothing on the Son Of God. In this movie, Jesus Christ just happens to be hanging out in Canada waiting for the Second Coming when suddenly he’s hired by the local Catholic Churches to protect Ottawa’s lesbian community from vampires.
Why aren’t you downloading this movie already?!
Now, inquiring minds may be wondering why lesbians are being attacked by vampires. Well, because, an evil scientist needs plans to graft the lesbians’ skin onto vampires to make them immune to sunlight (because everyone knows lesbians use the most sunblock, duh). So Jesus teams up with Mary Magnum – a gun toting combat-nun in red leather and El Santo – a world famous Mexican wrestler. After getting a short hair cut, shaving his beard, piercing his ears and a musical number, Jesus fights off vampires and atheists Kung Fu style with billiard cues and even toothpicks in a series of badly choreographed fight scenes. With a combination of bizarreness, cheesiness and good-natured blasphemy, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is the low-budget classic you shouldn’t miss.
Dr. Pretorius: “We’re running low on skin. I suggest we harvest another lesbian!”
Jesus: (singing a song at the Dominion) “I was born in a manger / doomed to live in danger”.
Jesus: If I’m not back in five minutes, call the Pope”
God (The Father) makes a cameo as a bowl of talking cherry ice cream.
See, what I mean? Pure entertainment. If you have any B-movie recommendations, let me know!